Everything Can Be a Catalyst

I remember when aesthetic outfit mood boards were trending on Pinterest. I would find all these different aesthetics and save them to my “my vibe” board. And funnily enough, each time I’d log back into Pinterest and look back at my board, I’d be like “what the fuck is going on here? I can appreciate the aesthetics here, but none of them are me.” It hasn’t been until recent life that I have been stepping more into the version of me I want to see myself as in the world. And I haven’t gotten here but adopting everyone else’s version of an aesthetic.

It’s happened through challenging myself enough to be able to admit I don’t see myself in those places, and being ballsy enough to admit what I really fucking like. And what’s more, standing behind those things when adversity stands in front of me and directly doubts and challenges the fact that these things are “me” in the first place. And even more of a mind fuck... letting what is "me" change as often and as much as I'd like. AKA- not being attached to any identity and letting myself evolve past my current self.

In a funny way, it’s through the discipline of saying, “no, actually, I like this and that’s what’s me, that’s what feels right, no matter what it is you think, and I’m happy about that.” It’s in that that my real voice, my real self resonates more deeply as me. As who I am. It’s in the obstacle of having to stand up for myself, who I am, and who and what it is I love, that I realize just how passionate I am about those things. Just how precious they are. And each time, I walk through this roadblock more myself than before. Over and over again. Evolving into a new "me" every time. Everything can be a catalyst if you grant it the permission to become one. And, everything can hold you back if you grant it the power to do so.

You choose.